CAR CHRONICLES HUMOUR
Auto News that's fit to Print

Q: How many car salesmen does it take to change a light bulb?

A: I'm going to work this out on my calculator, and I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.

Senior Moments

Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the radio that there's a car going the wrong way on Leeward Highway. Please be careful!"

"Heck," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"

The current gas prices....

...are really affecting my sex life. With gas at $4.11 a gallon, I'm forced to only date women in a 3 gallon radius.

Top Ten Reasons To Buy A New Car

10. Your passenger seat is on the National Register of Historic Places.

9. Instead of an air bag, there is a whoopee cushion taped to your steering wheel.

8. You lose the stoplight challenge to a 14 year old on a moped.

7. Fifteen minute Jiffy Lube needs to keep your car for 3 days.

6. When you gas up, the attendant asks, "Can I re-duct tape that windshield for you?"

5. Thieves repeatedly break in your car just to steal the "Club."

4. While sitting at a stop sign, people keep running up to you and asking if anyone was hurt.

3. For the last five years, you've had to settle for making "vroom, vroom" noises while in the driveway.

2. You keep losing dates on left turns.

1. Traffic reporters start referring to you by name when discussing morning tie-ups.